More Sky

On Friday night, after a lovely evening of filming an event for some new friends, I dragged some friends with me to see the exhibition, “More Sky” by Otto Piene. It sounded really interesting and it was the last weekend before it closed.

It was not exactly what was advertised but it was still interesting. They projected art pieces that was originally painted on glass onto fabric hung from the ceiling. The projections changed speed after few minutes and there were various cocktails created for this event. On the night that we went, there was only one and it was alcohol free.

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There’s another exhibition that I want to go to that takes place inside a castle/mansion. There’s also another one inside a bunker which looks wicked. I can’t believe I missed out on the David Bowie exhibition. It’s been around for so long too…

Last night, I had the best silent film experience of my life. My friend and her husband organized a screening of Dr. Caligari at one of the popular clubs in Berlin. Her husband composed the score for the whole film which included a live cello player and a live theremin player mixed with piano and electronic sounds. It was wild. It also took place in the attic of the club which made the experience even more interesting. On the staircase of each floor, there were different people in costumes selling different things. There were people selling popcorn, kaleidoscope necklaces, t-shirts, shots, etc. There were people with incense and there was even one guy who was playing a guessing game. It was really cool. Also, they had some people dressed as characters from the film who would randomly walk by during the film. It was super cool! The music matched extremely well and I hope they release the soundtrack soon!

Unfortunately I didn’t really get to take photos because it was too crowded and dark…

I will be getting an iMac soon! This is really good because my laptop has been dying a lot recently. It freezes every 10 minutes and it’s super annoying. Hopefully this will also allow me to edit better. Also, just in time for Dragon Age Inquisition.




We lost our dreams. By dreams, I mean the Dream part of our Dream Therapy TV series. Instead, it will be 5 episodes of straight talking. I should have expected this when they implemented him as our show-runner. There’s way too much contradiction happening during the brainstorming sessions with him. I’m just going to write exactly what he wants and wash my hands off of this. I hope he won’t be in charge of the Directing aspect as well… If they didn’t want us to have free reign over our TV series, they should have told us from the beginning and saved us all this heartache and stress. It would also be cool if he didn’t speak to us as if we are brain damaged though or assume that we don’t watch films or read books during our own time.

I’m also a bit frustrated with the way this blog is going. I started it with so many ideas and with better intentions. Instead, it has become a rant blog. Don’t get me wrong, I am really enjoying my life right now. However, my daily life has settled into a sort of crazy routine which is very dull to write about. I need to start making time for things that will benefit me since I’ve been neglecting a lot of things. Hopefully once I get those figured out, the blog will follow in the same direction.


I am so tired. We’re currently in the pre-production period of our TV series with the working title: Dream Therapy. The writers (I am one of them) are currently having the time of their lives trying to write the episodes and figure out the details. The main problem is that we have 5 episodes of 5 minutes each which is extremely limiting for the idea that we all agreed on. Not to mention, we have another writer thrown at us who was not there for any of the brainstorming, pitching and choosing of the topic. He doesn’t like the idea at all and doesn’t want to be there either so it’s becoming a struggle. Not to mention, our show-runner is quite condescending and basically think we’re stupid and assumes way too many things without listening to our ideas properly.

We, the three main writers have been going out to brainstorm ideas and talk out episodes the past few days after class but our fourth writer has not joined us so we have no idea how this will work out…

Our story was actually chosen by the tutors because of the unique concept of there being a dream therapist and her encounters with her strange patients through their dreams. However, our show-runner and our fourth writer want to remove the whole dream aspect which would make it like any other therapy show, such as Web Therapy. We shall see what happens since we need to have a rough outline of all the episodes by Monday. Hopefully we will still be able to make a great final product!

It’s really rough trying to brainstorm in a classroom that has no A/C or ventilation. We have to keep the windows closed because it’s too loud and we can’t hear anything. I always have to sit on the floor in the middle of the hallways during our breaks because I can’t take it.

I’ve been partying a lot recently which I don’t know if it’s good or bad (By a lot.. I mean 1-2 times a week compared to my 1-2 times a month before). My alcohol tolerance has reached new levels and it worries me. Apparently my body is also resistant to other things so I guess that is good? I’m struggling with trying to accept this side of me. I feel like people that I know back home will judge me for it. Some friends here judge me for specific decisions I have made and it makes me want to withdraw more. I don’t know how to handle my conflicting self confidence. Sometimes I’m okay with myself and then other times it drops to dangerously low levels.

I need a jobbbbbb… I neeeed money. There’s so many things I want to do and try but I need money for that. *Sigh* I think it’s also not good that I have so many interests because I never have time to do anything. I miss having the time to sit down and enjoy a good book. However, things will calm down a bit for me in a couple of weeks since the writing will be done and the rest of the team will be scrambling. Or maybe not since I will be directing an episode and there will be a lot of planning for that as well.

I’ve been neglecting my health and it’s starting to haunt me. I keep having random allergic reactions but I don’t know to what. It’s getting more and more serious each time. My roommate’s mother prescribed some natural medications for me which I should look into soon. I’m really bad at juggling health, school and my social life. I think in the end I will have to choose one and it would definitely be film. It is really really hard to be healthy when your schedule gets so unpredictable. We’re starting to discover that it’s a 24/7 kind of job. I hope I can keep my social life for now though because I might go insane…

Also, some friends have mine are thinking of starting a climbing group so I’m excited to try that out (especially since I’m afraid of heights).

I can’t believe I’m almost done my first year of film school. Time passed so fast.

Am I Only


I’ve neglected this blog again. I shall do a quick update of what I’ve been up to before heading towards my main points!

  • Finished filming with the second years on their feature film. It was a very interesting experience. The wrap party was also fun.
  • I’m trying to become a little bit more social. Baby steps.
  • Partook in the Holi festival which was really fun. I walked into a parked car later that night and managed to get a big shiny bruise on my knee.
  • We switched groups in school again. These groups are now permanent and I am now in the two year group 🙂
  • We have two new students in our course.
  • People don’t believe in A/C here.
  • Allergies are fucking hell.
  • Enjoyed the annual Festival of Culture.
  • Had a wonderful vacation to Budapest and Vienna with my roommate. We hit a ton of hotspots in 4 days.
  • The Arctic Monkeys concert had too many openings bands and lasted way too long because of it (4:30pm-10:45pm).

We are currently doing a documentary module. We didn’t have a lot of time to plan so I was very unenthusiastic about it. I had NO ideas whatsoever until in a moment of frustration over my allergies, I realized I should talk about bees. Yes, bees. I’m actually really excited for it right now! I was asked by Reinhard if I would be willing to fly to Austria this weekend to help with sound on his documentary because no one in his class had time. Luckily I have time so I agreed. He then told me that he knows many beekeepers in his area so I should extend my trip and do my documentary there. I will be there for a whole week this time! I’m really excited to work on both documentaries!

I will also be participating in an event called the Landscape Festival. It will take place over two weeks (one of the weeks is our next holiday) and we will be paired with random people to write, direct, film and edit a film in two weeks. I’m nervous and excited but I think it’s good to start stepping out of my comfort zone. There’s also 3 film contests that I will be working on with some friends.

I’ve been feeling extremely restless lately. I want to do so many things but I have no time or money. I really should work on losing some weight. I’ve lost some because I don’t have much of an appetite nowadays due to the heat but I think that is not a good way to go about it. Either way, I need to start stepping up and getting things done because people are starting to acknowledge my hard work and I need to take that as a cue to work even harder.

Follow Me Down

We screened our short films for the first time today in an actual theatre. I wasn’t very excited about it but once I saw my film on screen, it was a different experience altogether. It’s a very wonderful feeling to see all your hard work on the screen. I wish it was my final cut though. Everyone was on varying stages of cuts so there was a lot of nervousness around. I think that generally, everyone did pretty well. It’s amazing to see how different everyone’s films and ideas are to each other and how it all came together. Most of the time, people don’t see all the hard work, drama and sleepless nights that are put behind these projects, how bad the first few cuts are or all the frustratios from things going wrong. They just see the final product. I find it a bit funny that I’m on pretty much everyone’s credits list. I am actually quite proud of what I accomplished with this film. I was very frustrated with my first cut because it didn’t feel like a story and there was just too much happening. I managed to shave off almost 3 minutes and now it’s working very well. It’s always tough cutting things out and you really need to be a monster about it. The problem about having to edit your own film is that you know all the sweat blood and tears that go into each scene and when you have to completely throw it away, it rips at your heart.

I really want to do a thriller/horror for my next short. At the very least, I want to try to create a surrealistic film.

I decided that I will continue on to do the full two years as I really want to do the feature film. I really hope to be able to direct it. Actually, I would like to co-direct it with my roommate because I think it would be more efficient and we’ve proven that we could work very well together. Besides that, we’ve decided to revisit some of our ideas and hopefully shoot it soon. Our main collaboration will probably be shot either at the end of August or sometime in September due to the nature of the story. We need to invest in a pin board to start brainstorming the details. This will be a good test on how well we work together as co-directors. Maybe we can start entering festivals with these films. I think our skills have improved a lot and we’ve gained quite a bit of confidence in ourselves and our abilities which I think is good.

Hopefully I can get in brunch and a massage tomorrow with my roommate. We’re in need of it. I’m really excited to see the Ai Wei Wei and David Bowie exhibition on Sunday! I’m back on the second years’ set on Monday and Tuesday which will be exciting. However, I’m not excited to do continuity because I don’t trust myself enough. But practice is always good! I feel a bit intimidated because Rusanna (my classmate) has been helping out as continuity and she’s really good at it so it’s a lot to live up to. Either way, Tuesday is the last day of filming.

Also, I might try out pole dancing some time next week with some friends! I should really exercise though since I want to lose weight but the heat is destroying me.

The week after that is our one week break (but we need to start thinking of topics for our documentaries which I’m really stumped on..). My roommate and I will be heading off to Budapest for 2 days and then Vienna for 2 days. We’re so excited! Our conflicting schedules doesn’t allow us to stay longer but it’s alright.. it saves us a bit of money. I’m so exciteddd!!

I’m struggling a bit right now with my allergies going a bit nuts. Half the time I want to rip off my throat and face and half the time I’m sneezing non-stop. Also, I don’t have an actual window in my room so there’s no airflow and it’s getting harder to sleep.


It’s been a crazy few days. I helped my roommate prepare for her shoot by running some errands the day before. The actual shoot day was hell because we had to drag a shit ton of stuff on the train to the beach which was in the middle of nowhere. It was a bit much for two people. Luckily, the equipment was with her 1st AD who had a car. Anyways, it took a couple of trips to get everything to the beach and awhile to set everything up. Martin and I were part of the water unit because everyone else had an aversion to being in the water. I have to say that I’m not a fan of scuba suits after this experience haha. The water was quite cold but the suits took the bite off. I felt bad for the actors because they couldn’t put on their suits for most of the scenes because it would look weird. It was actually a really fun shoot and their crew dynamic was very different from ours. They joke around but they do not waste time unlike mine. After the first few shots, the boat we used for the cameraman had a hole in it and our cameraman refused to do any shots that were too complicated. We ended up removing the boat and having Martin do shots in the water. We were all very nervous having a $5000 camera so close to danger. I became the camera assistant and even got to shoot some of the shots. It was really hot in the suit when the sun came out so Martin and I had to keep helping each other strip half out of the suit. Also, we didn’t realize that the nude beach was right next to the dock so there was a lot of naked people walking around..

The second day was easier because there was less things needed, so Jiji and I managed to get a ride from her 1st AD. After that, it was back in the scuba suits. This time I did booming in the water, some shots in the water and the sinking boat, running and taking care of the actors. We then had to rush to pack-up so that we could do the rest of the scenes at school. It took FOREVER to get to school. Everyone was losing it by the last hour of the shoot. It didn’t take much to send someone into a fit of giggles. I ended up suffering a serious case of summer allergies right after the shoot and I’m getting random rashes in various parts of my body. Also, I’m still super sore from the dragging of things across the city. The hazards of the job I guess. I really enjoyed the shoot though. It was nice having everyone work (except for one person who showed up 3 hours late the second day after leaving early 3 hours early the day before.. AND THEN manage to do NOTHING at all for the two days) without fooling around. It felt almost professional. We have two shoots left (the other class has 3) until we can relax a bit! Also it was funny because it took 3 people to get the scuba suit off of me. Plus, we got to see wayy too much of each other’s body parts.

I can’t wait to book a massage after all this. We have SO much cleaning to do in our home though because we seemed to have brought all the sand and dirt back with us.

So there’s tons of drama happening and I’ve been switched to be Will’s camera person. To be honest, I don’t really mind who’s camera person I am. But I feel bad for Kaspar because he’s not happy with the camera person change but he understands the situation.

We went to watch Noah yesterday and as expected, it was a hot mess. However, there aren’t any good films (that I have not seen) out right now so we didn’t really have much choice. I might write a review about it later.

I’m contemplating take up Kung-fu because I REALLY miss Wushu but the classes will probably be in German which will probably improve my German but I’m also worried that I will injure myself if I don’t understand… I also watched some videos from the good schools that I found and there doesn’t seem to be any women in the classes..? Also, it would be MUCH cheaper than joining dance/crossfit/yoga/pilates classes. Generally, I want to workout but I don’t want to be around people hmm..

Das Leben ist Schön!

Everyday, I continue to be amazed and grateful to be in Berlin. I don’t know how my life would have turned out otherwise. I was quite depressed with the way my life was going, almost letting my fears win over my ambitions. I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t sad. I just felt meh. I don’t think I could have stayed at my old job any longer because it was so mindless and I think I stayed there wayyy too long. I probably would have ended up staying there forever, hating my life like everyone else there (who wanted to get out also but were trapped by life and reality), probably stuck in a marriage with kids, slogging my way through life. I thought it was wrong of me to want more for myself. I wanted to please everyone else and instead repressed myself. I think I may have exploded at some point and continued hating life. I don’t hate Toronto or Canada, I just don’t think I belonged in that life I had there. I’ve been thinking a lot since shoot started (even though my mind was melting) and I am so blessed to be here, doing what I love. There are lots of hurdles as well since everyone works differently and have different priorities on set which annoys me quite often. Maybe I’m just too serious. However, I am now able to distinguish who I can work with seriously and who I never want to work with outside of being forced to at school. It’s been amazing being able to see everyone’s progress and the different ways people think and direct. I still have lots to learn but that comes with time and experience. I don’t think I’ll ever reach the point where I won’t panic about whether my end product will be good or not. I am, however, proud of my work even though it’s still very amateurish.

I’ve noticed an exponential growth in my confidence since moving here. I’ve started to finally discover myself and reach a level of independence I’m happy with. I still have a long ways to go but I think it has been really good for me to be here, to learn to like myself and to have the freedom I desire. There is also a drawback to this because I’m starting to lose patience with people who have low self-esteem and keep trying to draw attention to themselves by saying stupid shit and people who are too full of themselves and keep bragging about it. I’m really noticing the age difference between myself and certain people. Come on guys, there’s more to life than relationships and partying (I mean, partying is quite fun once in awhile). I’m really really really lucky to have my roommate who is on the same wavelength as me (SO HAPPY that she likes to lineup early for concerts and rock out near the front. I never had a rock out buddy before). Life is so so so good right now (I hope I’m not jinxing it). I hope it continues on like this. I don’t want this life to end. I don’t want to go back to my old life. I hope this is a sign that I have finally found my niche.

Three more shooots left! I’m exciteddd. We’re going to try to finally catch Noah this weekend (yes I heard the bad reviews), go picnicking by the lake again and join some summer activities in the park. I heard Berlin is unbelievable in the summer (everyone is depressed in the winter) and can’t wait to partake in this! Hopefully we’ll be able to find a bigger flat as well with cheaper rent. I need to get a room where I have an actual window so that I don’t die in the summer months. Plus we want a nice long term place that we can decorate ourselves and make it homey. I have sort of decorated my current room but I am also holding back a bit since we might move.

We auditioned to be extras in The Hunger Games. It’s 55 Euros a day if we get the gig. Also, the casting agency tends to reuse the same people again for other productions so I’m hoping for the best!

I want to be like Robin. Who should NOT have ended with Ted by the way. I hate guys like Ted urgh. She should have ended up alone because Robin doesn’t settle. Robin is confident in herself and her decisions and she’s not afraid to be alone (unlike Ted). They ruined her character. I’m not bitter about the ending at all. Nope.