das Leben ist schön

Double post today, WOO! I’m currently on break until the 17th because of Berlinale. I’m so exciteddd to watch films for 8 days straight! I am also extremely relieved that the hell month is finally over. On Tuesday, we screened all our films for the whole class and got feedback from two tutors. The people who screened in the morning were the unlucky ones. Guess which I was? We were bombarded with criticism about every choice we made. Whereas everyone in the afternoon received 10 minutes of feedback, we had about half hour each. The tutors also were MUCH nicer in the afternoon. I was quite upset of course because I was bashed for my editing when I edited it the way one of the tutors told me to (many others faced the same problem). He threw me under the bus when the other tutor didn’t like it. Thanks dude. I had to re-cut the entire thing and I hope that I have better luck with my next film. Some people got completely bashed for things that they cannot change anymore (keep in mind they were supposed to give us feedback to make the best edited version to hand in) or for their music choices when the tutor said he liked it the first time and suddenly was on a music hating rampage. It was a tough learning experience. I think we were all completely crushed. It’s all part of the filmmaking process I guess. This is probably nothing compared to all the challenges and criticism we will get in the future after we graduate. Oh wells, onto the next project then I guess. My goal for the next one is to have at least ONE piece of positive feedback. It might actually be better next time because we will have ONE instructor for the entire script writing process instead of having 3 tutors with very different tastes and ideas. Hopefully that same tutor will also be with us during the whole filming and editing process so that we don’t have several conflicting opinions again. I don’t know how to listen to my own voice yet because of all this so we shall see what happens.

On a more positive note, yesterday was the first time I’ve realized how much I’ve grown over the years. I think being in Berlin was really good for me in terms of personal growth. I feel like I’ve gained more confidence in myself and I feel like I’m being judged less for being myself here. I also noticed that my social anxiety has gone way down. I remember the days where I would make up excuses to cancel on plans because I didn’t want to leave my house. The days when I would skip classes because I knew I would be late and I didn’t want everyone to stare at me when I walked in. The uptight girl who was generally obedient and followed the rules because she was afraid to voice her own opinions and be teased for it. The girl who was always looking for an escape because she hated her life so much. I’m proud of myself. I’m also very lucky to meet so many amazing people in my life, truly. I’m excited for what the future holds and I hope to keep meeting more wonderful people and experiencing interesting things.

Also I want to show off the tattoo I got last month. I love it!

Image

I have an obsession with jellyfish and the galaxy 🙂

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