It’s been awhile since I have updated! I’ve been internet-less for the past while and only got it back two days ago. It was a bit rough because there was a lot of work I needed to do for school that required the internet and I also needed to send important emails. It has been a stressful couple of weeks and there’s still a lot to do. Our shoots went fairly well though I was the last person to shoot and therefore my energy levels were extremely low. I was also really dissatisfied with my actor as we have worked with him in the past and he has given us consistently bad performances. My story hinged on subtle emotions and he did not deliver at all. However, I ended up cutting out a lot of his parts so it’s halfway decent now. I’ve learned a lot from this shoot and I’m glad that we get to choose our own actors for the next shoot.
The rest of this month is going to be insane. We have a ton of assignments due on Thursday and I’m almost halfway done. We just finished filming a short for the 99 Fire Film competition. Our school forced us into it last minute so it was a rough couple of days especially because some of us had pre-arranged plans already. I had to miss most of the shoot because I had German class. I’m contemplating whether to continue onto the next level or not. I might just study on my own but I feel that is not ideal. However, school is already extremely exhausting and to add more to the school load is going to kill me. I still have a couple of weeks to decide.
Berlinale starts the week after this one and we have to hand in a 6-7 page script during that week as well. I’ve started up a weekly writing group that will hopefully start meeting next week. I’ve also started a small film group with some of the girls and we’re hoping to start filming small projects on the weekends. We all have ideas and the boys are off doing their own thing. School is going to get even busier after this. I feel really stressed but I’m also very excited for all that there is to come. I am learning so much and experiencing so much.
One of my classmates absolutely adores me. It’s a weird feeling to have someone compliment you on every aspect of your person. He literally does not see a flaw in me which is disconcerting and my other classmates love to tease me about it (they adore him). He’s like the father I used to wish that I had. I was used to not having a father figure. I seem to have a penchant for meeting elderly men who change my life in ways that I cannot comprehend. I feel like something big and amazing is coming. I say this because when I was a toddler, my parents had a restaurant. An elderly man visited every summer and he saw that I was bored and lonely and taught me to read. Every time after that, he would bring me more books or small games to teach me. It changed the way I perceived the world because I spent half my childhood and teenage years hiding in books. I think it is what kept me rooted all these years when I could have gone off the deep end. Perhaps the appearance of another wise and kindly old man is a sign that my life is going to be affected in profound ways. He was also the one who was kind enough to host me in Austria during the Christmas holidays.
I’ll try my best to be diligent in updating this blog but it seems like I’m not going to have a social life from now on. I don’t even have time to continue painting nowadays and I really want to because it is a good way to de-stress. I haven’t had time to focus on myself either because I’m always exhausted but I feel nothing but excited for all there is to come! I’ve already noticed a huge change in myself as a person. I’ve never been such a positive person in my life. Well I still need to work on my self esteem issues but I feel so enthusiastic about everything else that it hardly seems to matter. I feel a little sad that I don’t have time to talk to friends or even hangout with people outside of my school. I’ve been flaking a lot on my friends from outside of school because I just don’t have time. I don’t even have time to do photoshoots that I have been thinking about for the past while. I also wish I had time to workout…
I’m glad that I’m getting through my goals for the year already though. Good luck to everyone and their goals for the year!